Stress.
Just wanted to make this post a bit more personal to myself as these past few days have been heavily stressful for me. I received some really bad news relating to my future as well as some good news - but the good news didn't really do much to balance out the bad news. Instead, I was placed in a situation where I had to make quick decisions regarding my future. To make things worse, the good news I received actually made my decision making even harder and hence, more stressful.
I'm not the best at dealing with stress in the sense that I try to bury my head in the sand for a while until reality kicks back in to remind me that I still have important decisions to make and that time is ticking and I need to make these decisions soon. The stressful thing is I know how difficult it is to make these decisions because a wrong decision can potentially cost me a lot and I have a lot of guilt behind the cost as well because it directly involves my family.
So it took a few days for me to carefully consider what I really want vs what other people want from me. In the end, I came to a conclusion that the cost associated with this decision I have now made is something immediate and can be rectified in the future. Right now, the best choice for me is to put my family first - not exactly throwing away my happiness for what they want but to consider what they want as well as what I feel would make me happiest.
I always say to myself that my happiness should come before anything else in life. What's the point of living a life that is dictated by other people? This is my life and I want to make decisions with no regret - whatever happens happens for a reason, if this is a choice I have to make then I should make it with no regrets.
Just a little release of pent up emotion from me. Stress is definitely the number one killer but I think I'm slowly managing stress better by laying out my options, not worrying so much that I can't sleep and just telling/asking myself - "forget everyone else, which decision would make ME happiest?"
If the good news is really good news, I may consider revealing it in my next post but we shall see... Fingers crossed!
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